Every beginning has an ending

With every new start comes the end of something else. We start college, leaving our high school life behind. We go off to school, leaving our best friends behind. We start a new job, leaving our former job behind. We start on a new life, and watch another life die. I'm not sure how to feel right now. It's like with every step forward I take, I get knocked back a step (sometimes two). In some ways it's small. I attempted to buy a desk & chair at Ikea on Monday, but due to the missing 2nd box for my desk, I left without my intended purchases. I returned tonight, getting in with minutes to spare, only to later realize I bought the wrong color desk. I have to go back tomorrow morning and get the correct desk. I have the chair though. I'm sitting in it. It's quite comfortable. Fake leather. I'm quite happy with this purchase. I may not have a desk, but I do have a nice chair. Sadly,even if I had the desk, I wouldn't be happy right now. I've been consumed by bad news and the potential result of this news. Now matter how many years I have had to prepare for this, I feel so unprepared. I felt this when I was 17-yrs-old for the first time. It was worse in August of 2004. Now I just feel numb. I think this is the worst feeling. Before it was a matter of fearing what could happen. This time I'm left to wait for what will happen.

I'm being vague, I know. it's just that this is not an easy topic for me right now. A few days ago, my mom told me that our family doctor thinks my dad may have pancreatic cancer. His health is so poor that, if this is the case, operating would be pointless. It's still not confirmed, but our doctor thinks it's quite probable. If so, he may have between 3 & 12 months to live. If it is pancreatic cancer, do we tell my dad he has a terminal illness? Nothing can be done. Do we let him live with the fear of death for his last days? How do you tell someone they are going to die and you can't do anything. It's not that my dad doesn't realize that he is ill. Since his scatter stroke in August of 2004, he has not been the same. But he survived. He came home. Now I feel like I should preparing to say goodbye. Fuck! I'm almost 30-yrs-old and I'm about to say goodbye to my father. Maybe I should feel lucky that I have had him around this long. In fact, I do. He lived long enough to see me graduate college. He's seen me pick up the pieces of my life and start over with direction (finally). It just hurts to think that he won't be there to see me married. He won't be around when I have kids of my own. Hell, he may not even be around when I turn 30 in less than four months. I feel helpless. I hate time. Fuck! I can't do this right now.

-Sergei xo

A night of vocals

After an extended recording hiatus, we have returned to the studio and accomplished quite a lot. Over the course of 3 sessions, Sean recorded the last of his guitar tracks and I started recording vocals. We have tackled 6 of the full 11 songs. Sean & I met up on Friday night and recorded all of the vocal tracks for the first song, Perfect Endings. This past evening (Sunday), we worked on five more songs. Here is the list of accomplishments listed by track number:

1. Perfect Endings (all vocal tracks)
2. Channels (main vocals and one set of harmonies)
3. The Chemist (main vocals)
4. Silhouettes (main vocals)
8. Color Courses Red (all vocal tracks... unless I add more)
10. Bridge Lights (main vocals)

So that's that. If Austin ever gets back to us, we may record the new song tomorrow night which will be replacing Sound the Alarm. If not, perhaps we will work on more vocals. We shall see how things work out tomorrow.

That is all for now. Later.

-Sergei xo

Song of the Day:
The Appleseed Cast - Innocent Vigilant Ordinary

Hot Rod

Have you seen Hot Rod yet? Why not? It is the best/worst movie I have seen in a long time. It's so bad that it is so good. I have now seen it twice. Same group (Nick, Kristin, Meg & I) went after work. It was a cheer-up mission for Meg, who just lost a family member. Sometimes we all need a good laugh at something ridiculous to cheer us up.

I think it is supposed to rain in the morning. That would be awful. I'm hoping to go running before work. I guess I'll run in the rain, if necessary. I don't fear soggy runs, but I can't bring my iPod on these days. We'll just have to wait and see.

Ok, I need some sleep. Later.

-Sergei xo

Song of the Day:
Maritime - Pearl

I need another vacation

Work is stressful. I miss the good 'ol days. Things have not been the same since Frank moved to North Carolina. It's now apparent that the good times are over. I need to figure out my next move.

On a happier note, Sean completed his guitar tracks last night. We can now move on to vocals. Well, we still need to record the new song, but we will be doing that quite soon... perhaps this weekend. Anywho, after listening to the newly recorded tracks along with the rest of the album, I must admit that I am quite happy with the album overall. It took us a long time, but I think it will be worth it in the end. I can't wait to have a final product.

-Sergei xo